♡ I AM STRONG DESPITE FEELING WEAK ♡

it is time for seasonal depression & this years has been hitting harder for some reason so…I made a post on instagram that i will now keep on here so you can look back and say or write down these mantras + affirmations & know you are not even close to being alone. ♡

these past few months have been a mental challenge in every way humanly possible but no one would know by just looking at me, i made sure to keep it that way. (i’m not saying it’s the healthiest, but at work it’s one of the only options i know. i am also beyond grateful that i can see my therapist weekly to attempt problem solving, but anyways: )

✨ almost checked myself into a PHP or IOP strictly for a major depressive episode where my personal life was getting to be to much & i have made it my goal to do as many check ins with myself as i can while also knowing i have that option too

🧸 struggled with self harm, drug relapse urges 

✨ barely went to the club for the month of November because I barely could leave my bed 

🧸 cried, screamed & ugly cried more times than i can count to where i STILL have dark circles from that

✨ lost motivation to do most things in my life & had many unaliving daydreams + near attempt on thanksgiving

🧸 a lot more

what i am trying to say is: 🩶 I AM STRONG DESPITE FEELING WEAK. I AM STRONG BECAUSE I CAN SAY I NEED HELP & CAN’T DO IT ON MY OWN. I AM STRONG BECAUSE I AM HUMAN & EXPERIENCED HUMAN EMOTIONS. 🩶 Just like all of you are. 

We all struggle at some points in our lives & we all need a trusted confidant, to acknowledge our feelings instead of pretending they aren’t there (journaling, saying it out loud or even screaming it out loud, acknowledging small victories) & we all need to know that IT IS OKAY TO NOT BE OKAY & that asking for help in any form is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength. It’d be insane if we could do everything for ourselves on our own, I’d be lying if I said I wish it couldn’t be tha way, but it just isn’t possible.

To help me get out of my depression episode, I took more steps with self care, I made myself go to work but lifted the pressure of what my normal goals & expectations were & basically made my “goal” just showing up. I talked to friends & my therapist, I spent hours journaling & crying, I made lists of things that I would look forward to doing, I made plans like setting up nail + hair appointments so I can feel pretty because all of November I was feeling so insecure. I listened to my sad girl playlists (& my angry one because when I’m sad, I also get angry because it doesn’t feel fair), I made sure to remind myself of the people that love me even if they didn’t know what was going on because I didn’t want to make it a “thing” when in reality, that should be their choice over mine.

I made this page so people wouldn’t feel how I did, so people could feel like they had someone to talk to or a page / community they could look at & feel comfort & not alone. This page will forever stand by that & always be the main purpose. Trust me, you aren’t alone in anything you are struggling with even if it feels like it. This is your sign to tell someone you love them IRL or over text. This is your sign to say it’s okay to not be okay. This is your sign to say “I am strong despite feeling weak, before concrete hardens - it’s a puddle of paste.” This is your sign to simply do something for yourself because you can & you deserve it 🩶

Also, Pineapple Support ( https://pineapplesupport.org/ ) is made for sexworkers exclusively & they offer free to low cost services online. Please check them out if you think it could be helpful to you or someone you care about 🖤

xo,

emotional stripper ♡