♡ DRUGS, ALCOHOL & SOBRIETY IN SEX WORK ♡
todays topic is allllll about sobriety & addiction.
DISCLAIMER: I AM NOT ENCOURAGING SUBSTANCE USE, I AM ONLY USING THINGS THAT I HAVE PERSONALLY USED / DONE THAT HELPED ME, OR FOUND THE TIPS OTHERS GAVE ME TO BE HELPFUL. I’M TRYING TO BE REALISTIC AND KNOW THAT NO MATTER WHAT ANYONE SAYS OR DOES, THEY WILL DO WHAT THEY WANT REGARDLESS. XO
yes, it is a stereotype & yes, it exists & is extremely common. addiction affects *ANYONE*, not just sex workers ( i was a raging alcoholic and avid drug addict before i ever started any form of sex work and ironically got mainly ( dabbled beforehand but not nearly close to what i work now ) into it after i got out of rehab ) and affects “normal” civilians, peoples parents, siblings, your loved ones, etc. so, lets not be judgmental while we read this blog, because this is an extremely touchy subject for most people & this is a safe space. while i would never tell someone to do drugs, i would also never tell someone to be 100% sober. that is their life and their choices, & as human beings we all deserve autonomy. that is why you are going to read points that will discuss pros & cons of substance use, how to do things safely if you choose to engage, tips to stay or be more sober, etc —> when i was in AA + NA, they made it seem like i had only 1 choice & that’s now how i wanted to live my life. i wanted to have a gray area ( i am extremely grateful that i found one because so many people do not & it truly is an absolutely no substances to not relapse, but it took years of me hitting rock bottom & not caring about myself in any form to get to that point, which i do not recommend ) of being able to drink if i wanted to but in moderation or at least not black out / alcohol poisoning level, just like taking drugs or smoking weed when i want to but never relying on it like i did. personally, i do not think prescribed medications while working under the care of a psychiatrist or therapist is “not being sober” & people can disagree with me & that is completely fine to have a different opinion. i know that a lot of doctors / psychs are definitely the cause of a lot of accidental addiction ( i say accidental because people are taking it under the assumption that whatever mental symptoms will subside / balance out or the pain will go away by x date & then they realize they are not only mentally addicted but actually physically addicted & will experience withdrawal at some point while they either just didn’t think about that or were told that ) and i am very sad about that as i have lost many close friends that way, but i also think certain people can function completely fine with medications & live very normal lives. i am on medications that i do not plan on getting off of as the main ones i have been prescribed for over 10 years & know from detoxing i am significantly worse mentally + physically without them with a recent addition / finding of adult ADHD which explained a lot of what seemed like severe OCD / anxiety symptoms to me was really just a very uneven cognitive profile. ANYWAYS, long story short: i just didn’t want to depend on alcohol or drugs like i did in the past, so that is why this blog is not “just be sober”, “breathe”, “take a walk”, “you’re a piece of shit or you’re weak for using something to work”.
rule of not being a shitty human: do not use someone’s past / current addiction(s) / vices against them.
i chose to write this because i can speak on the topic from my own experiences & i’d rather people judge me or form whatever opinions of me so i can hopefully be able to help someone out or be able to at least share my tips for people to look back at in case they ever need it instead of worrying what people are going to think of me. i never write about drugs or alcohol use on my page because i never wanted anyone to assume i: glorified it or thought it was the worst thing you can do. i just wanted to be extremely neutral, but i realized it’s hard given how prevalent substance abuse is in SW along with knowing other people struggle too, that they have in the past, or that they never have but would want some form of understanding or ways to help someone they know who may be struggling.
personally, i have struggled with substance abuse for 11 years & got it under control 5 years ago where i’m not longer relying on anything & i live in my gray area. i used everything because of childhood / general trauma, genuinely hating myself, extreme insecurities, wanting to self medicate myself for my anxiety or ADHD, & being on & off suicidal where yes, i attempted suicide with drugs but i also lived those 11 years of having the general mindset of “i don’t care if i wake up or not”. my addiction started how i think most peoples did - drinking at a very young age at a party & smoking weed which for me, rapidly turned into prescription pills & others over the years. i was a mess, i hated my life, i hated myself, i did absolutely nothing positive or healthy to my own well-being to others - the majority of people who knew me when i was deep in my addiction think i was an awful, self destructive person — & i was. i ruined everything around me & watched my life burn while i was just in the middle of it watching. the people who use MY past against me ( & anyones for that matter ) are the worst kind of people, because no one knows your life or what you went through unless they were literally there - but they still won’t know how you processed that event / feeling & it may have been completely different. i am so over the judgement, where if ALL you can say about me is something with my addiction when you just met me - get the fuck away from me. sorry, this topic & basically telling a bunch of strangers along with people i work with is a HARD topic because since dancing, i’ve already had so many girls who called themselves my “best friends” use allllllll of this against me, did the same behaviors i did years ago but currently, & just say the most fucked up shit to me or when they would talk shit on me, so sadly i am extremely desensitized to someone saying, “i wish she would just overdose” & a lot more. also, i do personally find it offensive when customers assume i am on something at work when i’m just truly relaxed or happy / vibing. anyways, that’s my life - lets focus on you guys. ♡
earlier this week on my instagram story, i asked “what is a pro/con, best tips about sobriety in the industry” & really loved the answers i got, so…. here are some tips from some fellow babes who have also been through it
♡ TIPS TO STAYING SOBER AT THE CLUB / WORK ♡
☆ have a code word with the bartender that means “give me a non alcoholic shot or drink” - ex: “extra limes”. i have worked in clubs where they have special house drinks for that exact purpose & i think it’s absolutely amazing! especially if a customer is extremely persistent on getting you a drink
☆ say alcohol triggers migraines for you or have a non alcoholic drink in hand so people don’t try to offer you another
☆ chew gum, have some mints, do anything that would distract yourself for when it’s slow - even if it’s things like: homework, replying to emails, working on online sites ( OF, etc ), face timing friends, anything!
☆ keep your keys in your purse & hold them whenever you feel like drinking as motivation to not drink
☆ find a non alcoholic beverage that puts you in the party mood! ex: yerba mate, red bull
☆ MOCKTAILS BABYYYY our minds are beyond powerful and we can trick ourselves into feeling like we had a shot or four if we truly focus on it. my favorite easy mocktails are: soda water with ice & a squeeze of lime + lemon, cranberry juice with ice ( add redbull in if you’re a vodka redbull kinda person, adding the blueberry one is my personal fav ), cold ginger ale with some maraschino cherries — and always with a straw.
by the way, this company is an entire game changer that makes non alcoholic *everything*, so you can even drink how you normally would if you’re trying to slow down / not drink that night / stop, have shots, etc but be totally sober ♡ this is the brand!
☆ i hate drinking at work because i don’t want to leave my car at work because i’ll make up random scenarios that could also totally happen like: getting my car broken into, getting my car stolen, or just knowing i have to get a ride back to my car in the morning & do the “hungover walk of shame” in my head. i have had horrible uber experiences, so in my head that also isn’t an option & i do not want to drink & drive, so i basically eliminated it from even being a possibility. if i choose to drink or take anything, i make sure i have someone picking me up or getting me, limiting myself to 1-2 drinks over a 5+ hour course, drink a lot of water, be HONEST with myself & ask if i am okay / sober after x amount of hours, & just am generally very mindful about what i’m doing vs. just carelessly going about it like i would in the past
☆ focus on things to do at the club that are non substance related, like: learning new stage / pole tricks or overall lap dance moves, people who come to the club for “calm” company, your look for the night & outfit(s)
☆ think of what you would lose if you got a DUI ( or another ) or overall went to jail, got into a car crash, etc. if you didn’t know what happens to you after 1 DUI, this will be an eye opener because i was definitely shocked when i would hear things from my friends who have had them - & they alllll include probation, fines, license restrictions , etc. the rules vary by state / country so here is at least the one for california
☆ being / getting sober only works if you want to. otherwise it’s pointless to go to rehab or detox when you don’t have intentions of really staying sober & wasting all the money. sobriety of any form comes from internal work, self awareness / realization, owning up to your shit, and not wanting to engage in the same thing anymore. journaling helped me A LOT, owning up to my shit to myself & others were very hard & i had to let my ego die in order to do so, but seeing how much i hurt myself & other people that cared about me made a big impact on my decisions. meetings didn’t help me, but that doesn’t mean it wouldn’t help you. there are meetings EVERYWHERE & all the time — HA, NA, AA, name it - the meeting exists ( & some are still online! ). working with a therapist religiously helped me a lot, but if that is not an option for you - look into low priced therapy, do a session a month, look up “DBT/CBT” blank worksheets online & substance abuse worksheets online because i promise that is a lot of what they use in rehabs / therapy programs.
♡ PROS / ( AND VERY FEW ) CONS OF NOT GETTING FUCKED UP AT WORK ♡
☆ PRO: you never ( or rarely ) slip confidential details & are on top of it with the grabby guys
☆ CON: being told you’re “too shy” or “not seeming to enjoy yourself “ because you’re a sober introvert
☆ PRO: being in control
☆ CON / PRO: if it’s hard for you to play the “party girl” role soberly, then yes, you tend to not attract those clients - but you attract a new kind of clientele which usually consists of someone who just wants good, genuine conversation.
☆ PRO: no blackouts or hangovers or regrets
☆ PRO: safety + always being able to drive your car
☆ PRO: no one likes babysitting or the being the person that is a physical or emotional wreck ESPECIALLY at work. so, by limiting or not engaging - you won’t be spending your night in a busy locker room bathroom & also, not make any money.
☆ PRO: looking younger & physically feeling better ( like come on our bodies and brains already hurt enough alone with just having to deal with people and the physical sides of our job lol )
♡ IF YOU CHOOSE TO USE, HOW TO STAY SAFE ( & ALIVE ) ♡
i’m not trying to say to use drugs or drink, but again, people are going to do what they are going to do regardless & if they do - i’d rather give tips that helped me or others & show harm preventatives.
☆ share your location with at least 3 trusted people
☆ buy a mini breathalyzer to check your limit —> xoxo
☆ always have someone to pick you up & drop you off. Uber, Lyft as well but I just personally don’t trust them as much from my experiences especially when you’re in a compromised state & they are literally picking you up from a club or a house. Do not drive for 9358395x reasons. If you drive there and get fucked up at work, leave your keys with management and get picked up by someone you trust when you are done with your shift.
☆ i know this isn’t fun or exactly something that probably feels natural, but JUST IN CASE —> please tell at least one person ( even if you just write it in your phone notes & someone knows your passcode ) what you have taken / how much in case you do overdose, that way when paramedics come they will know how to treat you better if they aren’t having to guess what you took & if no one else knows
☆ do not share whatever it is with someone unless they fully know what it is & never accept anything unless you fully know what it is. you do NOT want to accidentally do fentanyl.
☆ if you use needles, always use clean needles for these reasons: AIDS / hep C spread VERY easily, if the needle is used more than once, generally it loses it’s “strength” or however you want to call it & that is how it can break off in your skin, along with general infections / abscesses. some states have clean needle trade ins, so look up if your state or country does so that you can at least always have a clean needle.
♡ WHY WORKING SOBER ( OR AT LEAST MAINLY ) IS BETTER FOR YOUR HEALTH & YOUR MONEY + MENTAL ♡
i’m not just saying this, this is something that i have noticed works best with me along with fellow peers! proven fact: that will make you last in this industry longer / look better / mental sanity will thank you.
☆ your boundaries will thank you - you won’t feel like you have or have to compromise your boundaries or morals for a customer, a client that hired you, etc for money
☆ you’ll actually set goals for your future & not just the present. you’ll be more motivated to work, especially when the thoughts coming to work aren’t going to be, “fuck i don’t know what to do, i hate these customers, i can’t do this shit soberly” & have to think of how to cope with all of those feelings every time you come to work.
☆ remembering your customers / regulars, remembering to GET your money, & being able to actually think of ways to sell a dance vs the usual “do you want to dance?” & walk away - your creativity will SHINE even if feels extremely foreign being sober.
☆ no, this isn’t necessarily an easy transition & it will take some time to get used to & that’s okay. people slip which is also okay, just hold accountability.
☆ you are in full control.
☆ you can really just focus on work, getting in & out, leaving with your goal, etc because you won’t be going back & forth to the bar, stay drinking with a customer, going to the locker room, etc. you’d be surprised how much time that actually takes up if you add it all up - & by doing that, you’re missing out on potential customers & money.
being in control at work & overall of your body is a lot like being a butterfly. you are only ( mentally & to some degrees physically ) as you let yourself be. butterflies in cages fluttering around is my metaphor for me when i was actively using daily : we are meant to be free, not trapped in the prison of our minds / addiction for the rest of our lives because that butterfly will get tired of fluttering around the same cage & realize there isn’t a way out & will die. that’s a lot like getting stuck in any routine - drugs or not, you need to let yourself free to explore, to live your life, to be scared, to feel alive, to be happy, & to just claim your life for yourself & realize how free you really are. 🦋
xo,
emotional stripper ♡
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