♡ HOW 2 FALL IN LOVE WITH YOURSELF ♡

February is the month of love, self reflection, acceptance, & self care. 

I think it should be every month & every day, but February is the known “love” month. We all deserve love, acceptance, forgiveness & happiness in every form that is true and unique to us as individuals.

So, to do that - something essential in life is loving yourself, at the very least finding comfort in your own company. I have found this one of the hardest / scariest skills I am still trying to perfect, but it is incredibly rewarding in terms of: myself / self worth, relationships romantically and with friends, along with looking forward to alone time with myself. I know all of my blogs talk about me and my perspective, and that’s only because I don’t want to generalize peoples experiences and feelings or make anything sound factual about other people if that isn’t the case - so truly, I can only write from my point of view and my experiences in this weird world and hope it resonates. 

♡ HERE IS A LOT ABOUT MYSELF & MY EXPERIENCES, SO YOU CAN STAY FOR THE JOURNEY OR FAST FORWARD TO MY ADVICE I LEARNED ♡

I used to hate being alone, in the sense of I mentally could not be alone. I lived that way for years, I would hate being alone with my thoughts & knowing what my thoughts and myself were capable of, get extremely depressed / impulsive / lonely or just super anxious. If I was with someone, I couldn’t self harm in front of them. I couldn’t abuse substances in a “non social” way in front of people. I couldn’t attempt suicide in front of people. I thought people saved me from myself, so I dedicated everything about myself to them - meaning, I let the people I “loved” hurt me physically and emotionally, give everyone endless chances no matter what they did to me, stay in a relationship that was completely awful just because I didn’t want to face myself and I thought that “if it worked out, we’ll save eachother and live happily ever after in some fucked up fairy tale” amongst many other things besides just keep shitty friends / relationships around, I ended up filling my voids that I hated in my life and myself with people and with sex. I thought it was a win win at the time - they objectified me regardless and I could forget about my life for a few moments. I honestly don’t remember a lot about that time, other than yes, it was traumatic at times, yes, I got myself in some horrible situations mentally with myself along with other people physically & I gave people the most intimate parts of me who never deserved to even get to know me, as all they did was hurt me or use me.

When I started working on myself intensely with therapy, I realized these traits about myself: why I did it, why I let it go on for most of my teen - adult years, why I “didn’t care” at the time, and all of that. I didn’t care that I found this out per say, because I would’ve figured it out eventually but regardless I’m grateful. I had to genuinely learn to be content with myself: the good, the bad, and the shit I wanted to die with me. I cannot explain how uncomfortable the feeling of being alone with yourself, especially for me at the time - soberly, and knowing all of the past voids you’ve been utilizing for years to not see what is under the many masks and armour, other than it feels like an interrogation room. Just you & yourself, except your thoughts are racing, thought loops won’t end, and you are essentially torturing yourself with questions that can never be answered or by the ones that have answers. That process took years to learn, the process of being comfortable with myself. I also learned a lot about my self worth, my self respect, helping my self esteem, & boundaries I will set with anybody work wise, friendships, family, or significant others.

Fast forward a few years and I can take myself on dates. I can go to my favorite coffee shop and bring a book and not have anyone rush me, I’m on my own time. I can get lingerie and take photos for myself and feel beautiful. I can write long entries in my journals that hurt me, but help heal me in the long run as I’m not hiding anything from myself anymore or running away. I can seek so much peace in being alone as I am pretty introverted so honestly it’s one of my favorite things now - taking hot baths while watching a Youtube documentary or just listening to Alina Baraz or lately, SZA with a hot mug of chamomile or peppermint tea with a face mask is one of my most soothing moments I look forward to doing at least 3x a week. With any form of relationships, I now refuse to settle for my past bare minimums and have made many lists ( because my standards change almost yearly ) of what I am wanting from a person - a list of needs and a list of wants. I do the same with friendships, as for me personally, I have always loved my friends and always put them before relationships so now I am way more selective of who I allow into my life as it means they have access to me emotionally & mentally, but they also get to know the friends I have absolutely treasured and would protect with my entire being. Just like work, I used to never screen clients as I didn’t know it was a thing and honestly back then if I did, I doubt I would’ve cared. I always said “the customer is always right” kind of mindset, which got me fucked over more times than not and left me depressed, feeling like I lost a part of myself along with incredible frustration towards myself. I didn’t care about boundaries because I didn’t care about myself and I didn’t want to make anyone upset or mad at me, no matter who it was. Now, I will turn down any amount of money even if I need it if it crosses my boundaries. I will leave a situation if I feel uncomfortable. I screen everybody and have lost a lot of money opportunities by doing that as many people do not want to be screened. I will not dance with someone if I do not like their energy or continue to keep them in that dance or as a customer if they are crossing my boundaries. Not all money is good money and it’s a lesson I learned the hard way but I’m happy I did. I am free to do what I want with who I want in any scenario and I am no ones puppet or doll they can play with unless I allow it. That is what I am fucking proud of.

To get to the entire point of this blog - you need to learn how to love yourself / fall in love with yourself. It’s amazing what happens when you start to view yourself from the perspective of someone who loves and cares about you.

♡ 14 SELF CARE / SELF LOVE TIPS ♡

1. Write in a gratitude journal daily or just write in your phone notes 3 things you’re grateful for.

2. Write *yourself* a love letter. Make it as real and raw as you can, as you know yourself better than anyone.

3. Create a time / space to indulge in yourself, alone. Set the mood with your favorite toys, candles, music, whatever it may be. 

4. Write or tell yourself what you love about yourself personality or look wise, or both. 

5. Be open to change. If there are things you want to work on - know there is power in accepting your flaws and wanting to change.

6. Treat yourself on special days, because you always deserve it.

7. Make a physical album or photo album on your phone of pictures of yourself / moments of your life that you are the happiest in and memories that will always make you smile.

8. Do daily check ins with yourself.

9. Treat yourself like you would someone you love - ie: get yourself flowers, tell yourself it’ll be okay, care about your wellbeing in all forms, make yourself your favorite foods or desserts, take yourself out, etc.

10. Affirmations.

11. Be gentle with yourself and listen to your body.

12. Learn to like being alone and set up times with yourself to look forward to once a week.

13. Start your morning with something you love - whether it be your favorite coffee or smoothie, listening to a podcast, etc & end your night with something soothing that you do or don’t get to do as often.

14. Own your truths, and set yourself free. Write down all your secrets, things that keep you up at night, flaws you think you have look wise / personality / insecurities and burn them somewhere that is safe or shred them. 

♡ FREE / LOW COST DATES TO TAKE YOURSELF ON ♡

1. Wear lingerie for yourself and see how you feel - bonus points if you feel like taking photos of yourself in it and realize that you are truly art.

2. Invest in a membership or classes to something that would benefit you - massages, Drybar ( or other hair services ), gym, cooking classes, yoga, art, anything. 

3. Read a new book that is something of interest to you with a mug of herbal tea or hot cocoa.

4. Cook yourself dinner or make yourself dessert - you can start your own recipe book and make something as often as you want and create a special book with the recipes you make instead of just saving it on your phone.

5. Walk around parts of where you live and just live in the moment. Take photos, enjoy the views or people watching, notice your surroundings, sit on the grass and breathe, feel the sand on you. ( this is a psa to always always always carry pepper gel spray and a knife or taser at all times for safety ) 

6. Solo coffee date with your favorite drink or venture out and try a new one. 

7. Buy yourself ( or pick them if you have the opportunity ) a bouquet of your favorite flowers and make something beautiful to keep in your room, kitchen, or wherever you’d like to put it.

8. Take a hot bath or shower with epsom salts, bath bombs if you want, candles & change into your coziest outfit / pjs after and put on a comfort movie or something you’ve had on your list for a while and experience the bliss of recharging your battery and doing absolutely nothing except relaxing.

9. Local or at home spa day. If you do it at home, these are my favorite essentials: diffuser with essential oils ( I love the orange / citrus-y oils along with lavender or rose ), face masks, scented body butter, alllll the skin care including under eye patches ( I use the cucumber and gold ones from Peter Thomas Roth but seriously anything works ), warm towels, a fluffy robe, herbal tea, a foot massager - they sell every type on Amazon, & candles. 

10. If you like going outdoors, go on a hike with some close friends or yourself.

11. Go to a movie theatre alone and see something you’ve been wanting to see or something completely out of your usual comfort zone. Bonus points for getting your favorite movie snacks! 

12. Take a class! Something you have done or never done - painting / art classes ( one of my favorites was a guided painting class that had wine & charcuterie boards you provided yourself / shared ), dance class whether it be traditional styles or to enhance your stage / floorwork performances, cooking class, etc.

13. Teach yourself a new skill - knitting, art, language, printmaking, DIY crafts, there are a million free Youtube tutorials to give you new options.

14. Take yourself on a picnic or do an art class at home. I love picnics because you just get to relax in the scenery you pick, enjoy your food & drinks while taking a break from certain things in the world, bonus points if you don’t use social media during this! Along with the art class at home, if you think an in person class would be intimidating or you just prefer to stay home, get a bottle of wine or non alcoholic drink, set up a canvas and paints —> if you don’t have any, your local craft store sells them for not much money, and watch a guided tutorial on Youtube or freestyle something completely and play some music with the only “rule” of being creative.

♡ 14 SELF LOVE AFFIRMATIONS ♡

1. I am not my mistakes

2. I can be creative even when it’s not perfect 

3. I forgive myself and I am worthy of love and happiness 

4. My abundance has no limits

5. I have the fire within me to achieve anything 

6. I celebrate all of my wins, no matter how big or small

7. I am a soul full of love

8. My needs matter

9. I am constantly progressing 

10. I am the only person I need to please 

11. I add value to the world 

12. I trust the process 

13. I forgive myself for what I had to do to survive

14. I bet on myself

Self care is essential in the sex work industry because most of what we do is taking care of other people, whether it be physically, mentally, or emotionally. Listening to everyone’s problems or just having to engage as your persona for x amount of time is also exhausting. You need to treat yourself like you would your best paying customers, your favorite friend, and your best relationship. Recharging your battery and knowing what makes you happy and feel calm is key to your wellbeing as it is something no one can ever take from you. If you feel overwhelmed, just know that it is completely normal and just like taking a break, it is also normal and needed.

Happy Valentine’s Day, I love you guys so much. ♡

love,

emotional stripper ♡

♡ outfit from: instagram.com/cherryslipexotics

♡ instagram: instagram.com/emotionalstripper

♡ website: emotionalstripper.com