♡ SACRIFICES WE MAKE AS SEX WORKERS ♡

…..sacrifices we make that most civilians + customers wouldn’t know, and even some people who ARE sex workers that don’t *realize* how much they sacrifice in order to do this job.

first of all, hi! sorry for the small blog hiatus! 

second, to everyone in the industry: you are a motherfucking badass. while i was writing the drafts for this, i was reminded of how much we sacrifice & that we really are our own breed & i would bet most “normal” people wouldn’t be able to do what we do for even a solid 24 hours. you are a superhero, a therapist, a confident ( real or fake it till you make it bc honestly same thing to me sometimes lol ) and sexy human being, manager, salesperson, agent, accountant, along with a million other business titles. so many people especially in our personal lives think we are so selfish for doing our jobs without even realizing what the full picture really is. 

to the civilians + clients reading this: please know that even though some of these may seem obvious or “not a big deal”, it actually is in the end. imagine having all of these things taken away from your regular job life & then come back to me & tell me it’s not a big deal in the end. this also isn’t a blog of “well, then just get a different job” - that isn’t the point. the point is to acknowledge what people in the sex work industry give up in order to do their job, provide for themselves & their families & pay their bills. the point is for sex workers to read this and feel validated + heard, along with proud of themselves ( maybe even a little sad because realizations can be a weird feeling to process, but that’s okay & that is normal )

                   ♡ A LIST OF WHAT WE SACRIFICE TO DO OUR JOB ( & DO IT WELL ) ♡

☆ & by well, i mean people who are IN the industry doing it. not the people who have sold feet pictures 3x, stripped 4 nights of their life, 304’d it for one dick, or made one video to sell through snapchat to a regular. this one is for the people that are making their money from SW & have been in it for however long even if there were some breaks in between! 

1. You gain financial security, but you lose a sense of normalcy & anonymity.

2. A lot of “normal” relationships, whether it be romantic or platonic.

3. FREE TIME. Yes, we typically have flexible schedules but usually we pick working over going out on the weekends or even having free time.

4. Opening ourselves up for constant judgement, criticism, etc. for our: looks, job, thinking the absolute worst of us to either weird forms of pity.

5. Having family and friends leave or legit disown or “hate” us for simply doing what we do for work. Meaning, we are also a lot lonelier than a lot of people realize. Especially if you work in a club setting surrounded by people, that can almost feel the most isolating. 

6. Being outed and having our safety along with our loved ones safeties comprised. It doesn’t take a lot to out a sex worker. It is a horrible thing to do and considered a hate crime. For my industry workers, if you haven’t already, please go to your phone settings and turn OFF location for all of your apps along with the camera app. It is insane the lengths people will go to find someone, but honestly this goes for anyone, not just SW’rs - we’re just at a higher risk. So, if you know someone you went to school with or whatever it may be and they are now in the industry, do not be that asshole that outs them. That isn’t your place at all. 

7. Knowing you can’t get really any forms of insurance, paid time off / paid sick days, promotions, along with other things corporate jobs give on top of knowing nothing in any industry is fully stable or secure & that some nights can be negative money / absolutely nothing or making thousands.

8. Our safety is always at risk, which is why it is always a #1 priority.

9. RANDOM things that suck, like Airbnbs hating sex workers and banning accounts ( even if we literally just want to go on a girls trip & do nothing sexual ), online payment sites banning sex workers accounts because they also do not like us & I alone am banned from multiple platforms & had to jump through hoops to even keep one of them. Being extra cautious in Ubers / taxis because they have our address, & extra EXTRA cautious if they pick us up from work because usually I feel like they can assume you’re a SW’er of some kind & sadly do not feel bad if they SA one of us. 

10. Getting our online content leaked. 

11. Giving up weekends for a while because we are usually working. Night clubs aren’t as fun when you are constantly working in one, so regardless, you start to get invited to less and less things. I can’t even count how many birthdays, weddings, baby showers, shows, etc I’ve turned down because of work. No, it isn’t exactly fun to turn down event for work, it’s just what we sometimes have to do to pay bills or be able to see THAT “whale” client and unfortunately that’s the only time available. 

12. Physical health. We are almost always sore, covered in knots in our backs or shoulders, bruised from pole / stage work, and a looooot more. I personally have dealt mainly with just the effects of genuine hard work and pushing my body a lot multiple times a week which I know will cause later problems in my life. 

13. Having a regular sex life, meaning - personal life. When you are constantly sexualized / objectified for work, or just having a lot of impersonal sex for work, you start to lose your *actual* intimate sex life - whether it is with yourself, other people, or your partner. It is hard to balance, hard to set some boundaries, and hard to even remember how to act / truly enjoy physical acts that aren’t work. If you get it, you get it. If you don’t, it’s really hard to explain. That being said, being sexualized for work is the worst when you begin a relationship especially with someone outside of this industry because they usually get the assumption that because this is what we do for work, we must always be horny and DTF when in reality that isn’t the case for a good amount of people, so that then usually leads to partners getting upset ( which then makes us semi resentful or wonder what the fuck is wrong with us ) aaaaand then that turns into them sometimes thinking we are cheating on them. 

14. Mental health and constantly needing to CHECK. IN. ( with yourself!!! ) because burnout is so real, imposter syndrome is a nightmare and causes insane depression / anxiety on top of the depression + anxiety we already may be dealing with, FOMO is real in allllll forms of this industry especially when getting money fast is what you are used to, comparing yourself to others in ways of: success, money, connections, OF %’s, who someone is collabing with, awards, looks, outfits, you name it. I’ve addressed this in a separate blog, but having good nights followed by a bad night, or a string of bad nights along with a million other examples that lead to the same end result is crazy & affects everyone - which that is: SLOW SEASON OR SLOW NIGHTS. it is CRAZY how much your mental health will be like a roller coaster because when it’s good, it’s great & when it’s bad….it is really fucking bad. 

15. Not knowing who to trust at work, which usually equals one of two outcomes: 1. trusting too many people & hoping for the best or 2. not being able to trust anyone. Both options are extremely lonely & isolating. #1 is bound to fuck you over and #2 usually means you have already been fucked over. Not being able to have the same coworker banter that you would at a normal 9-5 is weirdly missed because at least then if you don’t like your coworkers, that’s pretty much it. You just don’t like them or put on the fake smile at the company barbecue. In this industry, that could all mean someone stealing your clients, doxxing you, revealing personal information to other girls or clients about you, having management get involved, worrying about your safety, etc.

16. Having to hide parts of yourself + your life. A lot of partners / family do not like that we do this, we know this going into it and it is just a thing that happens, but no matter what, it always hurts. Having to hide parts of yourself because of the consequences or judgement is shitty and in a way, feels like a betrayal to yourself + whoever you are having to “keep up appearances” for. 

17. ( I am not a parent, but someone who is brought this up as a sacrifice ) If you work late nights or even early evenings, you are sacrificing tucking your children into bed, reading their bed time stories, or being home if they have a nightmare. Relying on your other partner, family, babysitters, etc is essential but also can be costly - not just financially, but on your own wellbeing.

18. Parasocial relationships. If you don’t know what that is, this is a quick definition: Parasocial relationships are one-sided relationships, where one person extends emotional energy, interest and time, and the other party, the persona, is completely unaware of the other's existence. When you have a regular client online or on the internet, you usually know of their existence. Just always dangerous to have them because it makes people on the other side go crazy, especially if their delusions stop or they have a crack in the foundation. We aren’t the only ones affected by this, it is commonly known amongst sex workers, celebrities, musicians, authors, etc. 

Those are just some, I know there are more, but those are at least the main ones I could think of. We really do work so hard to do our jobs not just for our customers, but for ourselves so that we can mentally + physically keep doing it. After writing this, I ask myself, “damn, is this worth it?” and it’s always still a huge yes for me, because for me and my experiences, the pros definitely outweighs the cons & to be fair, everyone makes sacrifices for their job, no matter what it is they do for work. While you are engaging with your favorite pornstar, cam girl, stripper, escort, whatever - please keep these in mind and know we are normal people balancing a lot. We also aren’t just in check of our own emotions, but we have to be very aware of our clients emotions & use our active listening skills, etc. I truly do believe the saying, “hoes are healers” because we are. There is no question or debate about it. 

I love my industries, I love the people I get to meet in them & I love knowing we are all insanely capable, strong, badass group of people. 

xo,

emotional stripper ♡

♡ website: emotionalstripper.com

♡ instagram: @emotionalstripper